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But from today I accepted you as my husband and determined not to marry none in my life, you are my only husband and would be the same. You could marry another lady to make a family, I wouldn’t impede you but I should always think me as your wife. Please don’t deny me to give so little identity of my mind. I told my mom about my decision and she agreed to me and for that she left me alone for you here. Please take me as your wife.”I had nothing to say as I became so bewildered. Seema got down from the bed and prostrated me. Then she took the vermilion box and asked me to apply on her forehead. Unconsciously, I don’t know why, I took some vermilion and applied on her forehead, then she again prostrated me. I had no sense what I would do then and stood helplessly. Then Seema stared at my eyes and asked “will you not caress your wife?” Then I returned into my consciousness and told “Seema, what have I done and why did you make me do that? Are you trying to pay for my labor?” Soon Seema. I found I was looking forward to tonight when I could say positive things to her, and I always meant those.If only - are there any sadder words? If only I could stop seeing images of her with those officers. I keep replaying conversations I had with those men, wondering if they ever let me hear them laughing at me, taunting me. Every time I start talk to Jenny about holding her in bed, or more, I'm flooded with the image of one of those fat slobs rutting on her. Then I want to throw up as I 'hear' her cries of passion ringing in my ears.As I lay here I can hear her breathing, she's asleep. Normally I'm asleep before she is. I've been taking a prescription sleeping pill since my first appointment with my shrink. The first two nights in bed with her, I didn't sleep a wink. I'm not sure why I didn't take one tonight, I think I wanted to see if I could sleep without it, or maybe just think things through. I do know one thing; I think I'm going to have to ask her to talk about some of the.
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